day 273: you dig?

I’m still marathon packing. I found out that my cousin is coming tomorrow. I’m surviving on little to no sleep. Somehow I managed to meet with Chris.

Leave it to Chris to allow me to escape my reality with humor. We watched Black Dynamite. Wholey freaking hilarious! I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. I’m not sure if the humor is for the masses, but with my love of film, I was dying. We topped it off with a meal at Roscoe’s Chicken & Waffles, which was a perfect match. Chris is an amazing person and has always been a source of support through laughter and tears.

day 256: 3.5 - the breaking point

This was the breaking point. I haven't posted anything since this day, because this day was so exhausting. I needed some time to come to terms with my decision. It was the beginning of October and for the few days before I was thinking of moving to NM. If I made the decision it was gonna be today. I had to give a 30 day notice to my manager. My roommate gave me his notice a few days earlier and said he would be moving to Colorado.
Factors in my decision were:
finances: I'm losing so much money by living in LA, and if I'm still unemployed at the end of my unemployment insurance, I'm not sure what I will do.
looking for another roommate: I figured my luck of finding another cool roommate was running out, between Duane and Lucas, I was very fortunate.
the rising unemployment rate: the national unemployment rate is 9.8%. I always forget that the beginning of the month starts with bad news.
holidays: most companies don't hire through the holidays (even when  the economy is good)
potential jobs: I had three potential jobs and didn't get any of them. This was a definite blow to my confidence.
my car: I've had some recent car problems... I swear, when it rains it pours. 
the moon: maybe a little bit of the full moon came into play. :P 
stress: each day I'm losing a little bit of myself: my confidence, my sanity, and my happiness.

I was so stressed I worked out 3.5 times (0.5 is the brisk walk): I ran 3 miles in the morning, rode my bike down to Redondo beach, came home had lunch and rode to Bel-air and then around midnight I took a brisk walk to Fairfax and back. The picture above is one I took in the morning: before the meltdown, before I made the decision. The photos below are in Manhattan Beach.

A huge "Thank you" goes out to Mark and Tim for making sure I was ok. I know it must have been scary for you, but thank you for talking to me so late at night. Thank you for being my friends.

 

day 201: Henry & Rod's Surprise Party

A couple of weeks ago, Chadonna and I were talking about my and Henry's trip to the Getty on Saturday night with Cut Chemist. We realized that Henry and Rod did not celebrate their birthdays. How very Cancer of them, so we took it upon ourselves to throw them a surprise party. If we botched this surprise we would be the worse party planners ever, because it was nearly a month after Henry's birthday and two weeks after Rod's.

It went off without a hitch. We enjoyed a beautiful evening amongst a few close friends and music. We picnicked and drank 'juice.' Rod & Henry were both surprised. Happy belated Birthday, Rod & Henry!

Here are more pictures from that day.

day 200: intent

I've been reading/researching various ideas, people and projects. I've realized that I have not focused on one area. I've notice that people who are successful give their all (heart and soul) to one project. From hear on out I'm doing that, and I realize with this photo-a-day blog that I'm not letting you in on the bad times: allowing myself to be vulnerable. I thought, "who wants to read about a depressing day where I'm stressed out?" Who wants to know that "Inconsistencies on your form" is such a vague statement on the f-ing unemployment notice?

Being unemployed sucks. It sucks ass. It's fun for about a week. After a month there's one major meltdown. You've strategized, punched the numbers, but life happens and you can't predict it. You question all of the choices you've made. There's doubt that creeps into your mind about your talent and abilities. It sucks. Some days are better than others, and sometimes it comes down to a few good hours. I will say that it brings out a good human trait, and that's taking care of each other, whether it's financial or emotional. So many people are willing to open their hearts to you. It's absolutely amazing.

I keep thinking that when I look back on this time, I want to say that I accomplished so many personal goals, but sometimes those goals are clouded by living day-to-day. It's hard to look long term. A year from now seems faraway and ten years? I can't even fathom it. As each day passes you hope that you're inching closer to the end of this chapter in your life, but then the news reminds you that this will be longer than anyone expected.

The good part, if you can call it that, is that there are others out there in the same boat. It's comforting and discomforting. At least you have people to confide in and go places with. Talking to friends who have jobs is awkward. They want to bitch about their jobs, but are quickly reminded to be thankful they have a job. Employers are pushing them to the limit and employees are doing it in fear of losing their job.

I am thankful there are unemployment benefits, one doesn't start the job force to think that they'll be unemployed. I am happy that this nation takes care of the unemployed, if not our health.

day 196: nose bleeding

Chadonna and I won Dodger tickets back at the stripcrawl on Sunset. Our seats were in the nose bleed section, but it was free, so we weren't complaining. Chris joined us in our fortunate winnings. It was a beautiful evening filled with friends, Dodger Dogs and rally cries. The game was exciting especially the last inning, but the Dodgers couldn't pull off the win. Next time!

day 182: Coldplay

Last week, I won tickets to see Coldplay at a secret location. I found out on Friday that the secret location was Capitol Records in Hollywood. Chris and I sat in Studio A and listened to Coldplay perform a few songs. With only ~100 people in attendance it was like our private concert. Chris Martin's voice is amazing, and his rendition of Billie Jean revved up the audience.

Although we couldn't take our cell phones or cameras inside, I was able to snap this photo outside with my crappy cell phone. Chris took more pictures. When he sends them I will add to this post. It was an a-mazing night.

Celebrities in attendance: Kennedy and Seth Green

Chris, thank you. You are an amazing person and if anyone in the restaurant thought we were breaking up, because I was crying. They would soon realize I was the crazy person, because you're an amazing person and who would break up with you. Thank you for being source of support for me in this difficult time.

day 175: meltdown 2.0

Not having a job: SUX. I wish I could ctrl-z some things in my life.

day 166: Happy 4th of July

Happy 4th! I hope you enjoyed your 4th as much as I did!

day 160: futbol, beach & hollywood bowl

Another packed day. This morning I joined Nate and Ken to watch the USA v Brazil soccer game. They are huge futbol fans and keep me up-to-date with the happenings in USA Soccer. USA fans came out to represent, and we held our own for the first half, but as my friend, Nate, said, "so much of the game is mental, and you can't play on the defense for 45 mins." True, true. I'm so happy that it wasn't a complete blow out and we scared them a bit, or rather pissed them off.

After Ritch picked me up to go to the beach. It was a beautiful day in SoCal for the beach. The sun was out, it was beautiful and so are you... :) It was not too hot, there was a nice breeze that kept you cool and the beach wasn't crowded.

I, then, rushed home to shower and change for the Hollywood Bowl with Chris. Jonelle Rae, Chaka Khan and Adele performed. It was an absolute perfect day. The Bowl is always wonderful and a beacon of summer in LA.

day 108: live long & prosper

I was in Westwood today. And you know you're old when stores have closed that were open when you went to grad school. Westwood is constantly changing, I think, because of the high rent for the commercial spaces. It's adjacent to UCLA, but the college clientele cannot sustain the market in that area. It was nice to persuse my old stomping ground, that seems like a world-away. Don't worry the Hammer is still there, and so is Diddy Riese, but the ice cream sandwiches are now a buck fifty! wtf?

Rod, Chadonna, Chris and I watched Star Trek today. AWESOME!

day 077: series of intersecting lives and incidents

I'm reminded by my friend, Amy, that bad things happen in threes. one: lost job, two: identity fraud, three: hit & run. I do hope this is the end of it.

Today feels like that scene from Benjamin Button, when Daisy was hit by the car. Everything had to happen in order for me to be hit by that red car, accident or design, it had to happen. I don't know the particulars about the other people involved: the guy in the car, the guy in the Dooley truck, the 10-year-old girl on the Razor scooter, or the two EMTs. I know that for me, I had to have an extra cup of tea this morning. I usually only have one cup, but opted for two. Firefox crashed and I had to reopen all the windows again. I forgot to put on sunscreen and ran back upstairs to lather it on. I decided to read one more chapter in my book at the park. Waiting in line at the Post Office, the AC forced me to put on my sweat jacket which protected me from more scrapes. The Dooley Truck that took up most of the road made me slow down. The ambulance had to be stuck in traffic just a few cars back from where the collision occurred. I had to notice the girl on the Razor scooter whisking down the sidewalk as I passed her and that red car had to make that left hand turn as I was about to ride straight.

And if only one thing had happened differently: If that Dooley truck was in the other lane or that girl on the Razor left 2 minutes earlier, I could've been under the car, the little girl could've been hit by that car or the red car could've made a left turn without hitting anyone. "But life being what it is - a series of intersecting lives and incidents, out of anyone's control:" I was hit by that car and fell to the ground with the little girl on the Razor scooter coming to my side and asking if I was ok. The EMTs quickly tending to my scrapes and the that guy in the red car rolling down his window to ask if I was ok, only to drive away without an answer.

It's strange what you think of during an accident. The first thought that came to my mind when the EMTs asked to clean the wound was "I should have shaved my legs this morning." For some reason everything else was a blur, but that thought is vivid.

day 060: meltdown

Friday was meltdown day. I need to find a job.

Thank you to all of my supportive friends and family. I wouldn't be able to deal with this if it weren't for you.

day 047: watchmen

I went to Century City to see Watchmen in IMAX. A few years ago, it was suggested that I read Sin City, before the movie came out, which is brilliant. After I read Sin City, the other suggestions were 300, V for Vendetta, Ronin, Watchmen, and Old Boy. Old boy is another post, and I don't think I'm ready to talk about it. haha.

Chadonna and I have found ourselves in this situation before. Chadonna, along with my other friend Heather, are among the few girls who keep up with sports. One night, we were out with the guys, and Chadonna and I were watching the Lakers game, talking about the players while the guys were talking about art and design. hahaha... Tonight, Chadonna and I were the ones who had read the graphic novel, were filling in the guys on the story and answering their questions. :)

This picture is in the parking lot, because I forgot to take pictures and remembered on my way back to the car. I appreciate when all of the minutia of building infrastructure is organized. :)

day 040: memories

I'm scared of what people are going to write. I could never run for public office and I know that. In fact some of the memories created recently are enough to ruin anyone's career. hahaha

Leave one memory that you and I share, the first thing that pops into your mind will do. It doesn't matter if you know me a little or a lot, anything you remember! Don't send an e-mail message, but leave a comment here. Next, re-post this in your notes and see who leaves a memory for you..

day 035: The gift & 34 km

Since I've been laid-off I've been trimming the excess fat off of my bills, and that meant my gym membership. :( It's ironic to think that at a time where I have so much time to go to the gym I can't, because of the sacrifice. Well one of my birthday gifts was two months of my gym membership. This is the best gift. I love it and love my friend, Fish, for doing this for me.

My birthday has been a three day celebration, and I love it. It's also been three days of dehydration, so I've been trying to keep up with replenishing my body. I woke up kinda late this morning. Went to the gym late, but was pleasantly surprised by the hot trainer. He kept me on the treadmill for 40min and at the gym for an hour and a half, and he's not even my trainer. He's just good eye candy. hahaha

The gym was followed by an enjoyable lunch with two phenomenal women where I remembered that back in December I made a goal that I would ride 34km on my birthday. So I rushed home, checked the pressure in my tires, filled my water bottles and went out for a ride along the beach. It was so beautiful, but I haven't been on my bike since I got sick right before Thanksgiving, and this coupled with the gym: my legs feel like jelly. I'm gonna sleep like a baby tonight, but for now, I have to prep for dinner. :)

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE FOR MAKING MY BIRTHDAY EXTRA SPECIAL THIS YEAR!!!

day 033: Any Man of Mine & Seis Leches

I love Karaoke, and I love celebrating my birthday, because then I can make my friends sing Karaoke. :) Nate and I are so fortunate to have birthdays one day apart. The fact that we have the same friends, it makes for a huge celebration. It was a crazy mixture of hip-hop, rap, 80's, love ballads, and heavy metal. I had a wonderful time, but forgot my camera!!! :O Oh well, everything happens for a reason, and everyone is probably happy that I forgot it. ;) Thank you to everyone, the potluck was delicious and we had more main dishes than sides, which never happens with potlucks, so THANK YOU!!! AMAZINGLY we had two Tres Leches cakes...so it was Seis Leches...mmm delicious. I still have the "Pru" slice in my fridge. I think I'll enjoy it for lunch. :) muah xoxoxo

songs were:
American Boy
Peaceful easy feeling
Total Eclipse of the Heart
Blue Bayou
Summer Lovin
Sweet Child o mine
Any Man of Mine
A Little Less Conversation

Please help me... :)

day 017: twenty-five

Ha! By George, I’ve got it! I knew I did this before!!
Here are 10 random things about me....well, I will try to delve deeper into randomness.

1. I learned to drive when I was 10 years old on a stick shift. It was in my dad’s old white truck with a pillow behind me on dirt road.
2. I love scary movies, but always regret going to them when I’m in the theater. I can make an entire theater scream.
3. I believe in Astrology. Sun: Pisces, Moon: Leo, Ascending: Leo, Chinese: Wood Rabbit
4. I studied Architecture extensively, but now realize that I strongly dislike the profession. I love proportions, materials and experiencing space, but hate waterproofing, nominal sizes of structural members, and codes, etc.
5. I’m getting laid off. My last day of work will be 02.13.2009. If you didn’t know anyone affected by the tanking economy, now you do. It’s another reason for my dislike of architecture. The construction industry is the first hit when there is a recession. I see it as an opportunity to find out what it is that I want to do with my life. I’m thankful for all my friends and family who have been supportive.
6. I’m scared to get on the escalator without holding onto the rail. I know. I discovered this at a Clippers’ game. With food and a drink in my hands, I halted at the bottom as a line of people mounted up behind me. I had to ask the guy behind me to hold my drink. My friend was laughing. I’m scared that I’m gonna loose my balance and fall on my a$$, strange I know.
7. I’ve been to some amazing Hollywood Parties and will maybe document them some day. The best was with Owen Wilson, of what I remember...
8. Through the years I have acquired many “cheesy prom poses” pics. Thank you, Clara.
9. I randomly donate money to people training for philanthropic endurance events, because I know how difficult it is to fundraise. I leave the simple message “pay it forward, please.”
10. I stood up to my boss when I saw injustice, even when I was on the fortunate side, but I don’t know if I would do it again. It was too draining.
11. I’ve planned two weddings and overseen three wedding days. I would like wedding planning if it weren’t for the brides. hahaha
12. I always have to look-up the definitions for conscious and conscience. I can never remember which is which.
13. When I was young my friend and I went to the mall. We quickly changed direction and I tripped over a little kid. The mom immediately said, “You f-ing Navajo. Go back to the reservation.” That memory has stuck with me my entire life. I think about that little kid who grew up with that belief, and wonder if he has the same belief as his mom. It taught me to speak out against discrimination.
14. I love the midnight screenings of movies. It’s the true fans who show up. Some of my favorite memories are Attack of the Clones (when the lights turned off it was a sea of blue lightsabers) and Spider-man 2 & 3 (Tobey Maguire showed up for both of them)
15. I’ve been known to watch a football game with the guys and then watch a chick flick with the girls on the same day.
16. My favorite karaoke songs are “Sweet Child O’ Mine,” “Total Eclipse of the Heart” and “Love is a Battlefield”...oh and “Pour Some Sugar on Me.”
17. I ran a marathon, cycled a half century (actually my longest ride is 80 miles) and I hope to ride a full century and participate in an olympic length triathlon soon.
18. I come from a large family, well, not my immediate family. I have one brother and two sisters. My dad had four brothers and five sisters. My mom has four brothers and three sisters. I grew up with many cousins who I call my brothers and sisters.
19. I gave up coffee two years ago and it was the hardest habit to break: the headaches, withdrawals, and irritability. I give thanks to my friends and co-workers for understanding.
20. I had my tonsils taken out when I was 7.
21. My dad passed away when I was 20, too young for both of us.
22. I’m usually laughing and have had friends seek me out after a movie, because they heard me laughing.
23. I studied the history of the gaze and how perspective has changed from antiquity. I love finding devices that affect perception: the camera obscura, dioramas, spectacles, etc.
24. I learned how to find myself in India.
25. I love my relationship with my mom right now. I see her as more than my mom, and I think she sees me as more than her daughter.

day 011: feeding the wolves

I didn't have time to post yesterday. After work, I went to watch Frost/Nixon with Chris and then enjoyed an engaging conversation with dinner at Canter's. This is not the best picture from the Day, but it is the best picture of Chris. :)

This is an excerpt from the National Prayer Service

There is a story attributed to Cherokee wisdom:

One evening a grandfather was teaching his young grandson about the internal battle that each person faces.

“There are two wolves struggling inside each of us,” the old man said.

“One wolf is vengefulness, anger, resentment, self-pity, fear…

“The other wolf is compassion, faithfulness, hope, truth, love…”

The grandson sat, thinking, then asked: “Which wolf wins, Grandfather?”

His grandfather replied, “The one you feed.”

Thank you, Chris, for reminding me to feed the correct wolf. :)