day 200: intent

I've been reading/researching various ideas, people and projects. I've realized that I have not focused on one area. I've notice that people who are successful give their all (heart and soul) to one project. From hear on out I'm doing that, and I realize with this photo-a-day blog that I'm not letting you in on the bad times: allowing myself to be vulnerable. I thought, "who wants to read about a depressing day where I'm stressed out?" Who wants to know that "Inconsistencies on your form" is such a vague statement on the f-ing unemployment notice?

Being unemployed sucks. It sucks ass. It's fun for about a week. After a month there's one major meltdown. You've strategized, punched the numbers, but life happens and you can't predict it. You question all of the choices you've made. There's doubt that creeps into your mind about your talent and abilities. It sucks. Some days are better than others, and sometimes it comes down to a few good hours. I will say that it brings out a good human trait, and that's taking care of each other, whether it's financial or emotional. So many people are willing to open their hearts to you. It's absolutely amazing.

I keep thinking that when I look back on this time, I want to say that I accomplished so many personal goals, but sometimes those goals are clouded by living day-to-day. It's hard to look long term. A year from now seems faraway and ten years? I can't even fathom it. As each day passes you hope that you're inching closer to the end of this chapter in your life, but then the news reminds you that this will be longer than anyone expected.

The good part, if you can call it that, is that there are others out there in the same boat. It's comforting and discomforting. At least you have people to confide in and go places with. Talking to friends who have jobs is awkward. They want to bitch about their jobs, but are quickly reminded to be thankful they have a job. Employers are pushing them to the limit and employees are doing it in fear of losing their job.

I am thankful there are unemployment benefits, one doesn't start the job force to think that they'll be unemployed. I am happy that this nation takes care of the unemployed, if not our health.